My 1st Anniversary

Yesterday was my 1st anniversary of turning 30.  What is a girl to do when her birthday falls on a work day?  Well let's see:

- I started my day doing what I love - coaching - bright and early.  Great way to start the day

- I then headed to the grocery store to pick up a few snacks and my 'new' favorite munchies.  Cheese, grapes, sushi, the good stuff...:)

- I decided that I needed to have a snack and a rest and so home I went.  I had some cheese and grapes, unbeknownst to me the grapes were a little fuzzy....eeck...Quite a surprise to my taste buds....

- I then suited up and headed to CrossFit.  Having a little energy burst from my rest, I decided to 'push it' in my workout.  Challenged and almost killed myself BUT had a great workout.  Lots of supportive class mates, sense of accomplishment.  CHECK!  Note:  arms still quivering....

- I received a couple of gift certificates for my b'day so I then did something else that I love to do - went shopping.  I bought a few new clothes (never do this anymore) and new makeup.

- I then headed home to get ready for a hair appointment.  Rested, showered, sushi and off I went.

- Got my haircut and left feeling fresh and lighter.  Gotta love a new do. 

After all of this, I then went back home and got ready for work.  12hour night shift on your birthday isn't the most exciting thing but a good night all in all.

Birthday's are always so much fun.  Give yourself permission to rest, relax, and do the things you love.  Although I didn't get to spend time with my hubs, friends or family - I did get to spend time with myself.  And that wasn't too bad:)

Coaching as a Passion

I remember the day where I realized that coaching  for me was a passion.  After 15 years of planning my life around my sport - I asked myself, "Why am I doing this?"..... 
I didn't get paid well, in fact - I spent more money then I made on it.  I didn't have any 'free' or vacation time.  I frankly put the sport 1st before anything else in my life.  I had to be crazy!!  This is when I realized - PASSION - was driving me forward. 
I've learned when you're passionate about something it doesn't feel like work.  It brings a smile to your face, energy when you didn't think you had anymore to give, time when you didn't think you had any left.  I'm sure everyone feels like this with some aspect of your life.  (If you don't, it's worth it to find what your Passion is). I was glad to finally answer my own, as well as, the question of many people involved in my life.  Friends would say, in response to me having to turn down a night out, "Oh that sucks", where I thought "Not really..." 
My favorite thing about coaching is to see an athlete achieve something that they had convinced themselves they couldn't do.  To believe that 'anything's possible'.  My job as a coach got very challenging when my athletes started to believe in themselves.  I had to come 'on'.  I had to work harder than before.  I had to expect more from myself as the athletes expected a lot from themselves.  I'll never forgot conversations I had with athletes 3 seasons ago when they said that they believed they were just as good as everyone else. Where one athlete said "I can't see any reason why we aren't as good as them" AND "Just because we're small doesn't mean we can't"... THIS is why I coach.  THIS fuels my passion. 
As I've spent all summer preparing for the next season, I have had lots of time to think about my committment level and involvement and the passion I hold for the sport.  I've even have had some time to review my mistakes - yes, I've made many.  I still feel as passionate about the sport as I did when I first started coaching.  Coaching always felt "right" to me.
Coaching is, however, humbling.  Athletes will tell you at any whipstitch that they don't like what you've created or that they're not happy with their practice.  As a coach you need to check your ego at the door before every practice. This has made me a stronger person.

I'm holding a planning session with the upcoming's season coaches in a couple of weeks and would love to hear YOUR experience(s) with a special coach.  One that has left a lasting impression (positively) on YOU.  I'd love to share your stories with the coaches to reinforce our important role.

Please email me at stephaniebg24@yahoo.com to share your story and 'pay it forward' to the coach that holds a special place in your heart.

A Conversation Worth Sharing

I was enlightened today on the ways of the world  from an 8 year old's perspective.   A very special little girl who is wise beyond her years.  She's kind, caring, sensitive, compassionate, and beautiful.  She's my god daughter - Jaden.

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On Being the Oldest Child

Jaden - "You know Steph, I've always wanted an older brother or sister"

Me - "Me too Jaden, it's hard being the oldest, isn't it?"

Jaden - "Yep, I just want to have someone to look up to as a role model.  Ethan has me and I need someone so I can teach him what's right"

Me - "Lot's of responsibility being the oldest aren't there?"

Jaden "Yep, I like it though"

Me - "Me too..."

Jaden "I tell Ethan to not listen to people when he hears bad words"

Me "Well that's good"

Jaden "I'm trying to be the best big sister I can"

Me "You're doing a great job"
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On What it Means to be Rich

Me - "Do you like school Jade?"

Jaden - "Yes but it's kind of boring"

Me - "What makes it boring?"

Jaden "We just do the same thing over and over..."

Me - "Sounds boring.."

Jaden "One girl in my class tells me that she has an email account and a DS but she doesn't, she must be lying, she's just saying that cause I have them"

Me - "She probably is envious and wants to be like you"

Jaden "Doesn't she know that everyone has different things and so I would like to have what she has, but I don't lie"

Me - "It's good to tell the truth"

Jaden "Some kids even say "I'm soooo rich, I have this and that but rich isn't just about money, is it?" "Being rich means you have people you love, and love you back and you have things you love, doesn't matter what they are, as long as you love them".  "I tell them I'm rich too"

Me - "Sounds like you are rich, I feel rich too Jade"

Jaden "Do you have lots of money?"

Me - "No but I have lots of people and things I love"

Jaden "Well then you're rich"

Me - "I am"

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On Friendships

Jaden "Some people are meant to be together and that's why they're friends"  "If you're not friends with someone it's because you're not meant to be together - you and mom are meant to be together and me and Grace are too" 

Me "I think you're right, good point"

Jaden "If someone is mean to you"

Me "Then you don't have to be friends"

Jaden "No, you should say "I think we should spend some time apart and then try to be friends again another time"

Me "Or you could do that I guess"

Jaden "You should give it a shot"

Me "I think so, if it makes you feel good"

Jaden "It makes me feel good to be nice to people"

Me "Then that's what you should do"

                                                                                                                              

On Being Cool

Jaden "Some girls at my school think it's cool to be mean to other girls, you know, like not include them"

Me "I don't think that's cool at all Jade"

Jaden "Me neither - If they exclude someone then I'll play with that person.  I think that's cooler"

Me "Me too... How do they know what's cool"

Jaden "Yeah, who makes the cool rules anyways?"

Me "I don't think there is cool rules"

Jaden "Well then I guess we all have different thoughts on what's cool"

Me "Guess so.."
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On the Road Again

It was a great day to be on the road again.   Since the 2010 PEI Marathon, the farthest I've ran has been 400m during my Crossfit workouts.  Today, Becs and I did a 7km run together.  Gosh it felt good to have my running partner back.  AND now she's gone again:(

Running has always been a mental challenge for me.  I hate feeling uncomfortable and like I can't breathe.  Today was no exception to this but what I noticed has changed is my reaction to the uncomfortableness...  I stayed calm and positive - knowing that in a mere 10-15mins the torture would end and I'd still be alive.  I guess I'm used to feeling uncomfortable at Crossfit, so this run was no big deal.

The run today was a testament to how awesome Crossfit is.  I have not trained my running and today I could run at a faster pace AND push through.  It was not pretty (red faced, sucking wind like no other) but I did it.  That's all that matters.  I'm in much better shape as last season it took me approx 2 months to work up to that distance.  Did I mention how much I love Crossfit?..

I definitely need to run more often now - just to get the body used to the impact again but I am confident that this year's marathon will be better than the last.  My goal is to shave off some time in the 1/2 and judging by today - this will be possible..

A Moment of Reflection

This post is dedicated to everyone who is fighting or has battled cancer.  

The world has lost two great men and heaven has gained two angels.  Barry Doucette and Barry Dawson - both who passed away this week from cancer.  As much as I can understand that there is a circle of life - I'm saddened that in the last 2 days it was their time.

Barry Doucette, 59 years
A gentle man who I respected for his courage, strength and love he had for his family.  Being a "Doucette" is an honor, in my opinion, a tight knit crew who you know will be there through thick and thin and 'have each other's backs'.  Barry had a quiet strength and a contagious giggle.  I would always want to 'do good' for him when I was in his house because of the respect I have for him.  I remember being a teenager (and a challenging one I was) and attempting to do the dishes after a meal at his house.  He quickly reminded me that I was a guest and to stop being crazy...  It's funny that at that age and period in my life I felt a need to do something nice for him.  What a lasting impression he's had on me.
 He was a hard worker who took pride in the job he did.  He always wanted to have peace in his life and home and worked hard to get it.  I believe he achieved that goal.  He raised 2 wonderful daughters, both who I love dearly.  He was their biggest fans and I know he'll be cheering them on from above.

Barry Dawson, 71 years
A man's man - strong, dignified, committed and a family man.  I remember him to be his daughters biggest fans poolside.  He understood our sport and knew what it took to succeed.  I remember him to be faithful at attending church services at Cornwall United.  I always envied his loyalty to the Church - every week he would tow his kids to the services and it actually appeared as if they wanted to be there.  Maybe they just loved being with their Dad.  I think that's probably it.  He had a strong, authoritative voice and you listened when he spoke.  I automatically respected him because of 'the voice'.  He believed in hard work and had many business endeavors going all at once.  This has rubbed off on his kids.  What a gift he gave them.

Cancer - it's an ugly word and is an illness I wouldn't wish on anyone.  It does however, bring out the fighters and survivors in people.  It can, in some cases, be a God send.  It can be painful and exhausting. I don't know what it feels like to be battling a disease so powerful and I hope I don't have to experience it.  I respect every person who is battling an illness now.  You are my heros.  I want to do better for the people who can't.  I want to respect my life and love it.  It's a gift.

Until the other day, I was scared of death.  Joline, one of Barry Dawson's daughters said to me that she had a beautiful last couple of days with him.  Peaceful and reflective.  A real celebration of what was.  Family surrounding both Barry's in their last moments.  That doesn't feel so scary.  In times of loss or sadness, I believe in honoring those who lived and fought.   I will not take life for granted.  I will get up in the morning happy to be alive and healthy.  That's the least I can do.

Pinch Me!

Pinch me, I must be dreaming....

The start of my married life has been amazing and overwhelming.  It just seems that things have finally come together and I have passed GO on the Monopoly Board and am collecting my dues.

Our wedding was unreal and more importantly FUN.  We danced all night long and I came to learn that my new hubby has moves even I haven't seen before.  A little split action, foot jump through (ask him to demo this one) and hours of sober (for some..hehe) fun.  I didn't think it could be that good.  By the end of the night me and one of my BFF's were 'moshing' on the dance floor to Pink's "Raise Your Glass" while I was in my wedding dress, I thought "This is the life".  Truly celebrating a new beginning.

After our amazing honeymoon to Mexico, Mike and I returned home to a couple of weeks later start looking for our 1st home.  After looking at a few homes - we found 'our' home.  The home buying process is exciting and all new to us.  Contacting this person and that person, getting financing, home insurance, home inspection and the list goes on.  In a mere 3 weeks we will be in our new home.  What a whirlwind!

Mike and I were overwhelmed with our family and friend's generosity - we received some great gifts and financial contributions to our new house and honeymoon.  I can't thank everyone enough!  I hope you all enjoy your Thank You cards that will get to you sometime soon (hopefully - damn postal strike).  One of the gifts we received from a family friend was a time share anywhere we'd like to go.  As going on trips is a hobby now for Mike and I, it seems, we were thrilled!  We chose Orlando, FL and are spending 6 days at the Bonnett Creek resort in FL.  We purchased our plane tickets on points and so we're heading to Florida for $200.00!  We're going down for Mike's birthday in September and hitting up the theme parks and attractions.  Can't wait.

After all of this - I recently found out that I will be heading to the UANA Pan American Championships in Montreal August 17-21st where one of the Naiads Senior Duets (Katie and Bridget Carter) will be representing Canada in the Senior Free Duet category.  This is a huge accomplishment for the Naiads to be selected to compete at an event of this calibre.  We have all worked so hard over the last 10 years to achieve this goal and it's here.  To say it's a 'dream come true' for me is an understatement.  I couldn't be happier!

I've decided to not focus on when this period of awesomeness will end and just savor every minute.  Be grateful for these gifts and not take anything for granted.

 

Poppo's Marriage Tips

We have a lot to learn from our elders.  My Grandfather "Poppo" loves sharing his marriage wisdom.  As he and my Grammie were married for 69years - I would consider him a Marriage Guru.  Really - how often do you hear of couples standing the test of time and that length of time?

My grandparents were married young and spent a lot of their early married life apart.  Poppo at war and Grammie at home taking care of children and the house.  Their love was to be admired throughout their marriage.  They shared the same interests, they had their own 'inside jokes', they believed in traditional roles and thrived in them, they presented a united front for their children (from my experiences, perception) they were loyal to eachother and respected eachother.

My Poppo loves to talk about my Grammie.  Everytime he mentions her he smiles and tears up.  We were at coffee this morning and he was asking me what it felt like to be a married woman.  My first emotion was that I was feeling sad about changing my last name to Chaloner.  Only because I've been "Stephanie Gee" for almost 31years.  I had a love, hate relationship with my last name.  Many times people would pronounce it "Guy" or say "Stephanie Wha?" or write "Stephanie G.", "Stephanie Geek" was a common childhood occurrence.  "Stephanie Gee Hover", "Stephanie Gee Willikers", "Gee Stephanie!" and the list goes on.  I accomplished a lot as Stephanie Gee.  I'm proud of my family and loved having the family name.  "So why change?" my Poppo asks....  Good question.

I respect tradition and love my husband.  I'm proud of being married to him and will proudly represent the "Chaloner's".  I respect 'our' family.  I tear up as I'm explaining this at Walmart McDonald's and my Poppo tears up thinking of my Grammie.  We're a great pair.  haha.

Shelly, our wedding photographer (and friend), mentioned my Poppo in her latest blog. http://photographybyshelly.ca/blog/mike-stephanie/ She said it touched her to see the love for my grandmother and when asked what's the secret to a long lasting marriage, with tears in his eyes, he says "You have to be a good listener".

Today, Poppo wanted to share more advice.  He says "If you and your husband get into an argument, walk away for a few minutes, you may be able to see a different side".  "Don't hold onto things, laugh your arguments off".  "Never go to bed without saying I love you".  This is when we both were crying.
"Respect your husband/wife", "Don't talk down to them".

Everyone deserves the love and marriage that my grandparents shared.  Their marriage was a great model for me and after my few "false starts" (as my Dad would say), I held out for something like they have.  I found it and now it's our job (Mike and I) to keep it.

I've heard people say before that "Marriage won't change things - won't solve your problems".  I'm glad because I don't want things to change.

At 90 years old and 69 years of marriage Poppo still loves my Grammie like the day he met her.  I think it's so sweet that he still gets emotional, she can still make him laugh, smile or tug at his heart strings.  He  almost forgot his coffee sticker off the side of his cup this morning.  He says "Oh Jeez Freda (Grammie) would kill me if I forgot this"  "She was great at counting pennies".  And that's why they have/had so many.  What a woman!

The Honeymooners - Part Deux

Another amazing Spa visit.  We decided to spend our last night at the Secrets in the Hydrotherapy Circuit (again) and a dinner at my favorite a la carte.  Just when you think your skin can't get any smoother, hair silkier, muscles looser - it happens.  I think on the final day I can honestly say that every ounce of me was relaxed.   What a great feeling.

Our 'last' supper was excellent - I ordered a new york steak with 3 different sides.  The waiter looks at me and says "Ahh big plate".  What are you trying to say Senor? - mind your bizness...  I thought...haha.  I asked for orange juice and what he brought me was a powdered kool aid type deal.  Off of refined sugar for 6 months, I decided to have a couple of 'sips' of this tangy/sweet goodness. 

Special Advisory:  A Sugar Rush DOES exist.  For all of the people that say sugar does not affect your body.  Wrong.

I was on a high, chattering up a storm, I couldn't stop myself.  I had great ideas and conversation with my new husband.  I walked a little faster, little extra sway in my hips.  Ahhh the amazing things that sugar can do.

Sarah & Brad
On my sugar high we retired to our room.  Lying in bed reading and thinking (again, amazing what sugar can do:) )I suddenly hear what sounds to be someone crying.  About 5mins later - I confirm that it, in fact, a girl is crying in the room next to us.  I put down my trashy romance novel and listen.  Not sure why - maybe I would knock on her door to see if she needed help.  For the next hour, Mike and I had front row seats to the Sarah & Brad domestic dispute. 

Sarah:  Why do you think I had to get room service on my own?  You weren't there for me!

Brad:  Sarah, I love you but I'm tired of you acting like a fool when you're drunk! 

Sarah:  You've never made me feel like this before.  Like nothing.  I've never felt so upset.  I'm lying here crying and you don't care!!  (she was, we heard it)

Brad:  F**K you Sarah.  (Brad starts to get belligerent, then head's to the deck for another drink..)

This went on for approx an hour.  I was concocting a plan of how to make it stop.  It was a typical drunken couple argument.  Dramatic, silly and the 2 kept saying the same things over and over...  I finally decided I would call their room and pretend I was the front desk (Why?  not sure - guess it was the sugar).  I was practicing (in my head) my Spanish accent when it FINALLY stopped.  Mike was confident they'd fight themselves to sleep, me... not so much. 

The next morning was going home day.  I was gitty as we hadn't been a married couple on PEI for more than 24hours.  I was ready to come home and had a sugar hangover.  We, both relaxed and rested, were ready for our own food.  The food in Mexico was awesome - everything so flavorful and fresh but we did suffer from the traveler's diareese.  We didn't hold back at any meal and paid for it in the mornings.  We were apprehensive about our plane ride home.  I decided to head to a mexican drugstore (in the airport - not THAT adventurous) to find some Immodium - just in case.  I looked around everywhere to no avail.  Finally asked the guy at the counter for it and in broken english he pulls out a 'no name' package with a mexican label and says "Here take 1".  Mike and I looked at each other with the "Here goes nothing" look and down the hatch the tiny white pills went.  Still not sure what they were but we didn't have any rushed trips to the bathroom on the plane.

We arrived in Moncton at 11:30pm, picked up our car and hit the open road.  I, by this time, was slightly cranky.  I had a case of the back seat driver and so was trying to tell Mike how to drive. 
Screeeechhh!  He pulls over to the side of the highway:

"Do you want to drive" he says in a stern voice

"Yes!" I say with confidence

We switched sides and away I went.  Put the cruise control on and thought to myself Now THIS is how you do it.....

Karma's a bitch.  30mins later I was cross eyed and rubber necking.  Damn!  I thought.  I should have let him drive.  Note:  We had been driving in complete silence at this point.  I turned to him and in a sweet voice say "Do you want to drive?"....  He smiles and shakes his head.  We switch sides and I fight sleeping the whole way back.

All in all it was an amazing honeymoon.  We made lasting memories and so much enjoyed each others company.  I  couldn't have asked for more!  I made the mistake of when asked my name said "Stephanie Gee".  The concierge says "No, no - you're Mrs Chaloner now". That's right Senor, I am.

The Honeymooners

Senor!!  Seeeennnnooorrr!!!!!

A man in the Mexico airport yells at Mike and I as we dart from his grips.  The Time Share people.  I've heard of you and we're not getting sucked in.  Yet.

7hours of sleep in 2 days as newlyweds - we arrive at the Secrets Capri Rivera Cancun happy to finally be here.  As we drive up it looks like a 5star paradise.  Just what the Doctor ordered, I thought.  Exactly what we need!

Our first few hours in paradise were spent exploring the resort, resting, eating and freshening up to finally pass out at 8pm.  Our room was beautiful.  Marble floors, shower to die for, separate tub, king sized bed, tv, dvd, internet.  All the amenities of home and I assume that's why the staff say "Welcome Home" (throughout the 1st day of your stay).

Each morning we woke up at 6:00am, got ourselves ready for a workout which I would like to call Hot CrossFit as we were working out in 28degree temps.  I know, there was a furnace stat.  We, along with a couple other brave sorts, were usually the only ones in the gym at that time.  This made it great for us so we could rig up the cybrex equipment to suit our needs.  Makeshift racks and pull up bars - if anything you could give us an "A" for effort.

The food at the Secrets Capri was amazing.  The sweetest salsa and creamiest guacamole this side of tulum, beef was incredible, fresh fresh fruit, freshly squeezed orange juice, juicy fish, assortment of cheeses.  We did not go hungry.  Thank Gosh for the early morning workouts - I'm sure I gained 5lbs as it is (hate to see if I did nothing all week).  The resort has 4 'a la carte' restaurants - italian, japanese, steak, pub food.  No reservations needed which was a bonus.  Each of them we'd walk in and in 30mins we were walking back to our room - speedy service and always topped off with "It's a pleasure Mrs. Chaloner" (pronounced itsa pleashure).

We decided to indulge in their award winning spa on day 3.  Well, I'm not sure if it has actually won any awards but it should.  When we arrived the concierge gave us $200 in coupons for spa services so we thought we'd use them up.  Massages, hydrotherapy, seaweed wraps, manicure and waxing - I started to feel guilty from all of the pampering.  The spa was amazing - relaxation was key and the staff would constantly encourage you to 'have a seat in the relaxation chaise's' or seats or bench.  It was soooo worth the $ and time.  I would come back to go to the spa everyday.  I'm over the guilt.

Upon our checkin Javier (a concierge assistant) explained to us that we could go and tour the Secrets Maroma (new secrets resort) and receive a $100 spa coupon and 3 days, 2 nights free to return to the Capri for our time.  As a Grand Opening Special - per se.  Mike and I, hearing 'spa' politely agreed to go and so we made our tour time on our spa day (the next day).  Javier gave us this sad story that if we did not show up for the tour, he'd have to pay the taxi fare out of his paycheck so we made sure we were there.  As soon as we arrived at Maroma we were whisked away to a private room where a woman explained at the end of the 'tour' we would receive our coupons.  10 mins into our visit - I knew something was fishy.  This was not a tour - it was a sales meeting for a 'vacation club' membership!  Our tour guide/sleasy mexican sales rep - ate lunch with us, walked us around the resort explaining how this could be our 'love nest', showed us the suites that we could stay in, fed us every line in the book and for the small, pocket change price of $129,900 to join the club.  I was pissed by this point (3hours later) and Mike decided to play their game and give the man a sob story that we were going through expensive medical treatments (may have even saw his eyes well up - good one Mike!) and that we couldn't possibly afford an extra $2000.00 a month.  The sales guys accepts that and calls over his manager.  This is a heads up to other travelers in case you are roped into something like this, the price goes down drastically!  The manager takes approx $30,000 off the price, adds 2 weeks all inclusive trips for us and vacation credits to entice us.  Of course, our answer is NO again.  Thinking we were in the clear another manager comes over and tries to sell us another package for $111.00 a month.  Again NO.  This manager FINALLY asks us - "Senor, what could we offer you that you'd accept?"  Mike scratches out the $111.00/month and puts $48.00 total.  He laughs and says "we couldn't possibly!"  That's when they got rid of us.  We were back at our hotel coupons in hand, pissed off and chuckling at the same time 20mins after that.

We decided to book some excursions as we had received gifts from our wedding guests through our honeymoon registry.  We had looked around our hotel for our travel rep (couldn't find one) so we decided to go with the first available tour booker we saw.  A friendly senorita we'll call her Brenda (actually I believe that's her name...) booked us 2 awesome excursions and sent us on our way.  Our first included a trip to the Mayan ruins - COBA, rappelling, ziplining, hiking, canoeing, lunch and swimming in a cenote.  All were out of my comfort zone.  I made it 1/2 way to the top of the COBA ruin, panic hit and I had to go down on my bum to the bottom (did I mention this is the tallest ruin?!?).  Ziplining was scary as we were over crocodile infested water.  As we were getting hooked on to the line our tour guide "Cristina" asked us our names, age, where we worked...I was thinking she was getting our personal information in case of an accident.  Maybe slightly dramatic but still!  Swimming in the cenotes was "excellent" - it was a dark cave filled with bats and fish (in the water), cold fresh water and I floated happily on the inner tube.  Not brave enough to actually swim in the water....  We rappelled into the Cenote and of course, fearless Mike, volunteered us to go first.  Thanks Hubby.  Your new wife is scared sh**less...  A touch of rope burn later, I made it down.  A cute Mexican dude was at the end of the rope saying "relax senorita, this is beautiful".  Yes senor it is...  Our final activity was canoeing.  Note to self:  IF I want to stay married DO NOT canoe with my hubby.  We don't have rhythm, he gets pissed at me for my lack of 'effort', I get pissed at him for his lack of direction and so on... 11 hours later, we made it back to the hotel in 1 piece.  We were pleased with the amount you get to do for the price.  Gotta love organized tours!

Our second excursion was the "Royal Swim" with the Dolphins at Dolphin Discovery.  This was more expensive but since we were lucky enough to get some thoughtful gifts on our registry - we decided to go for it!  What an amazing experience it was - 1 hour swimming with a mother, daughter dolphin, snorkeling with sharks and stingrays, hugging manatees and feeding them lettuce.  We were thrilled with the amount we could do with this tour.  They also have a empire of taking pictures and selling them to you for an obscene prize.  We bought a CD.  We figured - this experience may not happen again.

We had 2 good days of suntanning.  Thankfully my new hubby is on 'sun control' and would remind me when to flip, lather up, and get into the shade.  I did well to not burn too much - except for the patch work art I have on my arms and back - last time I'll apply my own sunscreen.   I read a whole book while on this vacation and onto my second.  It's been YEARS since I've read and think I should do it more often.  Very relaxing and time passes soo quickly.  Maybe too quick.

To be continued.....  Spa time, again.

The Dating Game

As I take the plunge next week into marriage, I thought it appropriate to take a look back at my single life....

I've had 2 other significant relationships and maybe a bakers dozen of insignificant relationships.  The 2 'significant ones' which I consider gifts both had their learning curves - as I'm sure all relationships do.  I wouldn't consider myself a pro at relationships moreso a pain in the butt (I see it now, then - not so much).  I was needy, codependent and of course, perfect. :)

What always got my goat was the 'search for the next one'.  While I was single for approx 2 years (between sig rel 2 and Mike) I was always searching for the next "one".  I did my research - I would scope out the scene looking for the men without rings (which I've come to learn that a lot of married men do not wear rings - not a sure sign ladies), I would try to market myself (not to single men but to people who were already attached or my friends as that was my comfort zone), I would go for the occasional cruise (not sure what I'd find but thought that maybe a single man would jump out in front of my car), I would wait home for the 'one' to ring my doorbell,  I would frequent the same spots as I was determined to find someone at the places I liked.  As you probably can tell, this did not work for me.  At the time, I was hopeful and told myself one day it would come.  From time to time, during my lonely moments/periods, I would research dating.  I purchased books like "Don't be That Girl" and "Codependent No More" to help find the answers on how to attract a mate.  (I can't say that I found the answers but I did become self aware and let's face it, it killed time).  I would google "how to find a man" for insight.  The hunting period was exhausting and an emotional rollercoaster for me....  Excited because of a prospect, disappointed as it may not develop into anything.  Energetic to go out in a new outfit, buyers remorse at the end of the night as it was slim pickin's. 

Oh the memories.....
After my research period, I tried dating a couple of guys and found that it was physically and mentally demanding.  Some people love it, and to them - I applaud.  It was tiring for me, it was like a sport and I was in the pre-competitive portion of the season, all the time.  Rejection or a 'low score' would be crushing.  I tried 'plenty of fish' for 3 days until someone asked for my picture and when I sent it, I never heard back from him.  That was my 1st experience with someone out and out rejecting me because of my looks. 

I deleted my account the next day.

I tried meeting men in bars, which never worked.  I was too nice and would give my number (yes, my real number) to anyone.  Then I wouldn't answer my phone for days - just in case the bar man would call.   When I did get up the nerve to give a fake number (lesson learned) to someone - I had a uncomfortable confrontation at University where the guy 'called me out' in front of a full computer lab about giving a fake number. I even, in a drunken stuper put my name in his phone as Steppphdidn - as he was calling me out he was calling me "Stepphididn". How embarrassing.

While I was out at a party one night, I met a foreigner and instantly my prospect radar went off.  I chatted with him all night, trying to be funny yet sweet.  I met up with him a couple of weekends - in a row - and let my heart start to wonder.  Thinking that he may be interested I tried to give him my number - this is when he told me he had a girlfriend.

In between embarrassing moments I practiced convincing myself that some guys I already knew would be good to date.  Conscious - check, Breathing - check,  Chemistry - ......ch...ec...k..... Who needs Chemistry anyways eh?

I then started to enjoy the dating game.  I was a player and the world of men was my oyster.  I developed confidence in myself and was able to laugh at the uncomfortable situations.  I was learning from my mistakes and would sometimes just not give my number at all (imagine!).  I grew an inch taller and things started coming together for me.  I opened my mind to any possibility and the walls came down.  I started to take control of my single life and that's when it happened.

Mike and I worked together a year before starting to date.  I was going through the dating ups and downs and he was starting to talk to me more at work.  I would kid around with him and I would catch myself giggling or smiling when he entered the room.  When he finally asked me out - I was feeling great about myself and was ready for a relationship. (The previous 2 years I hadn't been - thought I was but my actions were different).  Dating him wasn't a game or sport - it was exciting, comfortable and 'felt right'.  This is how I knew on Date 2 that we would get married.  Of course, I didn't say that to him (come on strong much?) but I did tell everyone else.... hehe....

Good Morning Lungs!

6:00am this morning, I was reunited with my lungs.  It's been a while since I felt the burn, gasp and vomity feeling.  As it was our first nice morning in a while (Thank God!), the CrossFit instructor decided to get us outside and wake up our lungs.

Workout:
400m run
10,8,6,4,2 - Front Squat (55lbs) and Burpees
400m run

The 1st 400m, I was happy to be back out on the pavement - going at a faster pace than I usually would (as I usually 'jog') I could feel the lungs wake up.  By the time I got in to the gym to start the workout I knew I was in for a 'gasper'.  Front squats were my rest period - burpees were slower than usual.  As I headed out for the last 400m run, I couldn't feel my legs -jello they were - I was panting before I even started.  By 200m I had the "I'm going to puke" feeling.  Let's just say, the lungs were awake!  It took me about 5mins to recover and when I arrived home my face was still bright red.

Gotta love the 6am lung wake up calls!

Long Term Forecast

In a world where illness and personal struggle is on the rise, I know this post is insignificant.  I get it.

Yesterday, I made the mistake of checking the weather forecast for the wedding.  The 14 day trend shows 5 rain droplets on the 28th.  In the weather network world 5 droplets means rain, 3 may mean light showers....  As I was smart (knowing myself) and didn't plan an outdoor wedding adventure - We're ok.   95% is inside and the 5% that is outside would be fun with some umbrella's and smiles:)  So, needless to say - this I can deal with.

I then took a look at the Riveria Maya weather for the week we're there on our honeymoon and low and behold - rain and lightening forecasted for the week.  This I can't deal with!  Mike nonchalantly says "we're going down to relax so we can still do that if it rains".  I would rather a "stop the game" kind of response.  This is not the end of the world (which is supposed to be on Saturday, May 21st when Mike and my stag/stagette's are - how ironic  http://www.queensu.ca/news/media/hottopic/end-world-may-21) but close.  I've been looking forward to our honeymoon since engagement day (Christmas, 2009).  I have imagined myself laying on the beach surrounded by a blanket of warmth, reading a book (never do this), and only having to make a decision of when to eat next.  Oh, and of course spending time with the new hubby! 

As the wedding draws closer - I realize the emphasis that is placed on this 1 day.  It's like Christmas X a million.  Maybe that's why the 'glitches' seem to affect me more than a usual event.  I have become very sensitive to changes in the 'plan'. 

What do you mean we can seat 12 people at a table?  (When I thought you could only have 10)


The cards were supposed to be like..... (insert any color or design here)


How can I manage to get a hairstyle that suits NOW.... (haha - ok this has be overdone)

I think Mother Nature, for the past 2 weeks, has been emulating me with the nonstop rain - Drama Queen!

And as I keep telling myself - no matter what happens on the day - the result is the same, I'll be marrying my best friend.  That's all I need to think about:)

Hair Do Take 2

On Friday, I went to my second trial hair appointment for the wedding style. This time I went in with a different idea of what I'd like my wedding hairstyle to be...

Different from my usual straight short do

BUT

Not too different so Mike could still see 'me' in the do

My hairstylist again was superb.  She had brought some ideas that would suit the 1st look I was going for but not as drastic.

In the end - myself, hairstylist, Mike, Mom all agreed that it was a better look for the wedding.  As I wanted to see how long the 'look' would last, I decided to go with it for the day.  I went for groceries in the look, I stood outside unpacking my car in the wind, light rain in the look.  I had a nap in the look, slept on the look, got up and went to CrossFit in the look (got a compliment the next morning in the look).  I did a: 500m row, 20 wall balls, and a triplet of 10,8,6,4,2 - squat cleans, sit ups, pushups - in the look and was sweating like it was my job - in the look.

When I arrived home from CrossFit I snickered as it was fancy do for working out but it passed the test.  I will certainly be able to carry the look off for approx 12hours on the big day.  Gotta love modern hair products!

The Little Team That Could

Well, we've finally done it!  Naiads Synchro Club won a bronze medal in the Senior Free Team event at the Canadian Open National Championships!!  This is something that we've strived to do but had not yet - to date - accomplished such success.
10 years ago marked my 1st National event as a coach.  I can't believe in 10 years we made it. Other Provinces have counted us out and not thought of us as a threat.  Until now.

Synchro PEI received a congratulatory message from the President of Synchro Canada - saying that we were the "Little Team that Could".  Even she could not believe that we won a medal!  To me, the reason we are here today is our belief system that we are just as good as the others.  Belief that we could do it and would do it.  Belief that our athletes could achieve.  I've always believed.... Another reason is that our Provincial coaches have started to work together as a team.  Our team of coaches offered the athletes our best traits and as well different perspectives while staying unified.  A tough thing to do in sport.

So, I've come back one happy coach. Wonderful week in Calgary - got to go to Banff and ride the Gondola and relaxed in the Hot Springs, ate great meals, went to bed early and celebrated success.  Life is good!

The Trial

I think I'm finally ready to write about it.  It's taken me a while as it's a big deal in a 'soon to be bride's' life.  The hair and makeup trial............

I was soooo excited going to my hair and make up trial last week. I had chose an 'Old Hollywood' look as I felt the need to have something 'special' done with my short hair.  I was thrilled as my best friend and MOH was able to come with me for support.

My hairstylist and I giggled with anticipation and proudness as she was going to, for the first time since hair school, do pin curls and I was so pleased with myself that I had a 'plan'.  Really, what did I expect - I am a planner....

2 hours later I left the salon a Myrna Loy (30's Queen of Hollywood) vision.  Hair styled, fake eyelashes, peachy cheeks and a grin ear to ear as I had been transformed.  As I arrived home I tried calling my mom a couple of times to see if she was available for me to show off my look.  No answer.  I then called my MOH to see if she was free (she had to leave early from the appt).  No answer.  I then called Mike to see if he could come home to see my hairstyle.  He answered however wanted it to be a surprise on the 'big day' so didn't come.  I then loaded the pics I had of my style onto the computer, washed my hair out, stripped the fake lashes off 1 by 1 and headed out for the evening.

When I got home later that evening, remembering that I left a pic on the computer desktop, I asked Mike if he had seen it.  He shook his head 'yes' and so I asked "Welllll, what did you think?"  The look on his face was the "I don't know what to say" look.  "It's different" he says.  So then I knew, he didn't like it.........

After a few minutes of him expressing that he wasn't sure how to put his feelings into words about the style - he has a "I've got it!" moment.  To sum it up:  he didn't like the slicked 1 side to my hair, didn't like the front as the 30's era is his least favorite of all eras, thought my clip was too big for the length of my hair, thought the makeup colors didn't suit me - touch too pale, and thought I looked too done up.

For a man who didn't have the words, he soon found them....

Shocked and disappointed - I appreciated his honesty.  Then I got upset.  Solely because the ONLY person I care who likes what I look like is HIM.  In my desperation I kept saying "what am I going to do now" (guess I don't like to divert from the plan..), "I have to start ALL over again", "I will have to spend another $120 bucks to get this done", "why didn't you tell me you didn't like the 30's style's"...  I'm sure I went on and on as I have a tendency to beat my thoughts into the ground and then step on them again.

Note:  In his defense, I never asked him if he liked the 30's idea in the 1st place.

After a panicked call to my mom about the hairstyle.  I soon realized that he wasn't the only one who wasn't a fan of the style.  I just kept thinking - how can I be sooo wrong about this!  I really wanted to have a unique and different style.  I really wanted to be glammed out as I figure this is my day to do it.  I really love the 'over the top' things.  Jewels, makeup, hair, dress, shoes....can't be too flashy.  Well folks - I guess it can...

My lessons:  Mike just wants me to look like me on our day.  I should be secure enough to get married looking like myself and not trying to be sooo different that my true self is masked with pin curls and false lashes.  I need a 'softer' look, natural and sophisticated.  NOT Reece Witherspoon in "Water for Elephants". 

So, I've decided to try a 2nd trial and to still have a uniqueness to my look just not too 'over the top'.  Glad I went to this trial and found out that it wasn't for me BEFORE the big day.  I'm sure (as Mike has told me 1,000,000 times after this whole schmazle) that he would like any look I have for the wedding but at least now I'll walk down the aisle as me and not Ginger Rogers.

I Finally Got A Score on 11.4

60.  My score on 11.4

After a scoreless 11.1,2 and 3 - it felt grreeeatt to finally get on the board.  11.4 workout was the following:

AMRAP in 10mins of
60 Bar bell burpees
30 Overhead Squats at 90lbs
10 Muscle Ups

As I knew that I can't do the 90lb overhead squats or muscle ups - I set my goal to do the 60 Burpees.  I emailed a trainer the night before I did the workout to schedule a judge (couldn't go at the normal competition time) and stated my goal to him.  I thought I might as well get it down on paper so that I can't chicken out or give up when the goin' get's tough.

Again, I didn't get to experience the group competition atmosphere as I was the ONLY one doing this workout on this day.  The newbies were learning their skills and I was in the corner sucking wind trying to get the 60 burpees.  I did.  In 8:08mins.  I dragged myself to the nearest bench and then the judge says "get to your overhead squats".  I thought - NO WAY - as it wasn't part of my plan but in true Crossfit style - it ain't over till the time's up!  I lifted a 55lb bar overhead and legs gave out (fatigue) and I crashed to the floor.  The judge encouraged me to go again and this was about the time I started getting pissed.  I got the bar overhead, did 1 1/2 squat, where I then hear him say "lower Steph" and then "30seconds!".  Maybe it was anger, maybe adrenaline but the last one I did I got to full depth.

I was never so happy to hear "TIME!!"

So there, I did it.

MISSING:  Stephanie's Spunk and Vigor
If found, REWARD:  A SMILE :)

I've been struggling lately to find my true self.  I'm lost in a sea of tasks, appointments, meetings and fatigue.  I miss myself - the positive, energetic, happy go lucky, bounce in my step, sway in my hips, person.  I've turned into a tired, bags under the eyes, somewhat touchy, uninspired Stephanie. Boooourns!

I guess months of working nonstop has caught up to me. It happens to me every year though - this year feels worse but that's just probably because I'm here now.  I need some inspiration and sunshine in my life. 
That's it!!  It's probably the lack of bright sunshiny days!  Eureka!

I need to figure out a way to fulfill my workaholic desires AND stay healthy and energetic.... Believe me, I'm not really complaining - just a little.  I love my life and I can say I've been honestly living.  I have the bags to prove it!

11.3

 

The above picture is one of my 15 attempts to squat clean and press 110 pounds for the Crossfit Open Competition - workout 11.3.  The workout was a "AMRAP" (as many rounds as possible) for 5mins.   My total score was 0.

And here's the details.

As a registered competitor for the Crossfit Open, I have completed 0 workouts to date (out of 3).  Mike registered me to compete as I tried the 1st workout in a regular class and got through it.  My goal for this competition is to get a score on the board.  I have 3 more chances to achieve this goal.  

When this workout was released on Tuesday night, I knew that it would take a miracle for me to achieve a rep.  My PR to date was 55lbs so this weight would be double what I have proven I can do or have even attempted.  From Wednesday till this morning, I contemplated even trying it.  Who do I think I am thinking I can achieve this?  To be honest - I was 'iffy' as to what I believed.  It's hard to know what you can do when you've never tried.

Sheepishly I joined the other competitors this morning hoping I would blend into the back ground while we were warming up.  I had a little confidence boost when another female had already tried this workout and didn't achieve a rep so I thought "well at least I won't be the only one".  During the warm up phase I squat cleaned and pressed 65lbs - a new PR for me.  I went over to the 110lb bar and attempted a high pull to 'get the feel for it'.  As I found the deadlift/high pull tough - I instantly knew - this would be the most challenging thing that I've done in a looonnnnggg time!

Watching the more experienced Crossfitters do this workout and seeing some achieve awesome results and others struggle, my confidence started to fade.  I also noticed other regular Crossfitters looking on and cheering - most stronger than me.   As one lady asked me if I wanted to go in round 2 I declined and decided to go in Round 3.  Little did I know, I was the ONLY one to go in Round 3.  

I started with the judge and Mike by my side as the rest of the crew cleared out.  Some deciding to tackle the regular WOD and others calling it a day.  Fading into the background strategy worked, however it was a different feel to be on my own and not have the energy behind me of the rest of the group.

I attempted 15+ squat cleans and time after time failed just as I tried to get my elbows and body under the bar.  At one point I said "I can't" to where the judge said "Don't say that word - you just didn't do it this time, doesn't mean it won't happen...".  Great advice.

I was frustrated as I came on to minute 3 and then felt this incredible urge to keep going.  At the end, I had a touch of embarrassment as I received a 0 and wished I had gone with the rest of the group so that I had the enthusiasm around me.  

I knew I wasn't ready for the weight today but I'm of the mindset that it's better to try and fail then to not try at all.  After the 110lb attempts, I stripped off some weight and set a new PR of 85lbs squat clean.

Well, I chalk this one up to "at least I tried" motto.  Better luck next time. But I did raise my PR by 30lbs. Success I say!

"Try and fail but don't fail to try" - Stephen Kaggwa

Countdown to "I Do"

Yesterday marked 2 months until I say "I DO".  It's hard to believe that I'll be a married woman in less than 60 days.

I've dreamt all my life about being married.  Not the wedding.  In fact, I never visualized the event.  Had no clue as to what 'colors' I'd like or what my dress would look like, really none of the details were visualized - so the process has been interesting for me.

Bought my dress in Vegas - 2nd one I tried on.  Makes it easier when you don't have a 'vision' in mind to try to live up to.

Decided to go with an 'enchanted forest' theme as I saw it in a magazine right after we got engaged.  Visualize trees, flowers,  and of course, touches of bling.  Looks good to me....Check!

Luckily my mom is crafty and so I've left most of the creative vision to her.  Again, helps when you don't have a 'vision' to live up to.  Do you want pink, green?  She'd ask.  Whatever you think looks good Mom...  Might be challenging to her but easy for me:)

What I have visualized is having a husband who's my life partner and best friend.  With Mike I've never had to lower my expectations in our relationship.   In fact, I believe he's exceeded every one.  He's been a best friend to me, he's kept me 'in check', he expects more from me (that I could expect from myself), he pushes me to be 'better'.  He's broke me out of the samey, samey and into the seeittryit lifestyle - which is quite funny as he was used to living samey, samey before meeting me.  Funny how the right 'one' can do that to you...

I can say, with 100% certainty, that he is the right one.  I can't wait to May 29th (day after we're married) to officially start our life together.

Ok, I know, GAG!  :)

The Golden Feeling

What can I say - it feels really good to finally win.

This past weekend myself and the Synchro Team were in Toronto competing at the Eastern/Atlantic Divisional Meet.  We had set a goal of improving from the last performance they had.  We were up against a Quebec Team that, from watching them in practice, looked good.  So as any coach would, I decided that we had to "kill it" and aim for improvement.  The rest should fall into place.

As the Quebec team swam, I watched in amazement at some of their interesting choreographed moves.  I noticed synchronization errors and hoped the judges weren't going to enjoy their 'clean' looking performance over our 'intense, splashy (ier) routine. 

As the girls lined up, I was already proud of them.  They looked great, appeared confident and energized.  What more could I ask for.  In my mind, we had already won.

The girls swam a lovely performance - they came to compete.  Patterns that I had never seen on were on, energy that I didn't know they had came through. We had just made changes to the routine and the girls swam these sections like they had been doing it for months. 

As we waited for our marks, I was smiling ear to ear as I knew they had done their best.  As the scores were being read, I couldn't believe my ears....69.712 overall.  Our goal was to improve upon the 64 and change that they earned at Games.  5 points higher - Amazing.  I could then hear screaming from the stands and as I turned around, I knew we won.  The parents and other coaches were on their feet so proud and ecstatic. 

"We won!"  I yelled to the girls who were swimming over to the side, unaware of their achievement. 

I have been waiting for this feeling for a long time.  It was so sweet.  Mainly because I wasn't expecting it and  because the girls were so innocent in their win.

Congratulations to the athletes and coaches who worked so hard to get these girls to this point.  Bravo!

Heart Chi

Yesterday as I was laying on the acupuncturists table, while checking my pulse he states "Your pulse is slow".   "Oh yeah" I respond "What's that supposed to mean?".  "Well, means your Heart Chi is weakened" (as he pounds his chest).

Heart Chi - well that's a new one....

He then begins to check the 'points' for tenderness and I appeared tender all over.  He then asks me "Have you been working out a lot lately?".... I did just put in my 2 best weeks at CrossFit (5x/week).  "Yes".  "Well Stephanie, it shows" (by my pulse rate).  Happy that 'it showed' but concerned about my 'weakened heart chi' I lay there trying to take it all in....

As he began putting the needles in - to some new places - he went on to discuss that my heart is tired.  How depressing.   The 10x of intense CrossFit, coaching full time, pole dancing, working full time, wedding planning, meetings, etc has left my heart tired.  For fertility reasons he says "I got to tone it down".

BALANCE or lack thereof - seems to be a recurring theme in my life.

I knew I was getting to the 'burn out' stage of my year as I have been extremely fatigued (tired heart).  I was going to bed at 9:00pm and getting up at 5:15am still tired.  I would be sluggish through my day.  My patience was compromised.  I have bags under my eyes.  With all of this my muscles have felt much better.  Soreness decreasing, strength I didn't know I had. 

As I arrived home yesterday from my appointment, I was sad.  My heart chi was low, I love the high intensity.  It's addicting.  But in premature ovarian failure recovery (if there is such a thing) it's not as great as I thought.  I risk throwing my cycle completely off if I don't 'tone it down'. 

Thanks Daniel for looking out for me - it was a friendly reminder that I was thankful to get.

So - he's not saying not exercise or do nothing - just switch up the intensity of my workouts and lifestyle.  If I'm going 'full tilt' in my regular life - may not be the best time to do the most classes I've ever done IF I want to reproduce.

I knew I was working hard but didn't realize my 'ticker can't take it'. 

The Dried Fruit Debacle

My Naturopath suggested dried fruit for a work time snack (as I snack A LOT at work).  In my committed, organic, gluten free, sugar free mind - I headed to Costco while in Halifax cheering on Team PEI Synchro (YAY team!) to purchase some bulk organic treats.  I came across a fruit and nut medley and in my naive mind I thought "dried fruit is dried fruit no worries here..." and purchased a huge bag for $13 and change.  $250.00 later - I had purchased enough snacks for at least 2 months.  Gotta love Costco!

My first day back to work from my mini vacay I hoed into the dried fruit.  It was glorious, drops of heaven in my mouth, chewy goodness, enough salt on the peanuts, the best raisins I've ever tasted.  Next day at work, same thing however I decided to share the wealth (sharing means caring..:) ) with my coworker.  More for me, some for him - I was so pleased bragging how tasty the fruit was and that it is good for you.  Day 3 - I got Mike to try some and he was super pumped on how awesome it tasted.  I again took a sandwich bag to work and a bag for my coworker - mouth starting to get sore from the fruity goodness - I soldiered on and consumed another big bag of the sweet stuff.

I arrived home from work that night and was talking about the fruit and nut medley again (should have at this point realized there was a problem) to Mike and at this point he says "it just can't be natural it tastes TOO good!".  Brushing him off in denial - I said - "Nope, it's ALL good!" and we went about our bizness.  About 15mins later, second guessing myself I went and checked the bag for the ingredients....


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!   I screamed.  It's FULL of sugar!!!   Mike says "I knew it!"

As I read through the ingredients, every piece of fruit had SUGAR as the second ingredient.....  I had been eating fake sugar (which I've been off since January 3rd) for 3 days in a row.  I had consumed a 1/4 of the bag and enjoyed every minute of it.

I immediately was overcome with emotion, tears welling up, and I was soooo disappointed in myself for not checking the ingredient list (as I do with all the foods I eat now) but realized it was an honest mistake.  I didn't mean to eat the 'forbidden' foods but it does go to show that the sugar has a hold on me.   The bingeing/self control went out the window, yet again, and I was a victim to the sweetness.

It's now gone out of the house and I can say I'm happy.  The bag was staring me down day after day taunting me but I didn't give in.  This is my life.  Every meal is a choice and test of will - it's exhausting.

Community

Every time I go to a regular CrossFit class, I feel anxious, insecure and overwhelmed.  These feelings stem from the challenge that I am faced EVERY time I go.  There's no easy workout.  Just when you think you're done the instructor adds on another set of exercises to work on your "Goats".  By the end, when everyone is stretching, laughing and recovered - I am still dripping sweat and breathing hard.  I'm glad that I don't take myself TOO seriously.

Yesterday, I finally felt what the CrossFit community is all about.

The minute I walked in the door, I was greeted by other CrossFitters, some who I've never met before introduced themselves and helped me understand the workout which was:
8 muscle ups
20 wall balls
6 muscle ups
20 wall balls
4 muscle ups
20 wall balls
2 muscle ups
20 wall balls

I have never done muscle ups before (takes a loooonnnggg time to develop the strength) and wall balls are a 'Goat" of mine.  They knock the wind out of me.  So I decided to go in group 2 so I could see the 'muscle up' progression.  Usually I am encouraging others, yelling an occasional "LET'S GO" or "KEEP  IT UP" but lately shyness and insecurity takes over so I stand there silent (probably with big eyes and a 'really' look on my face).

As I started my workout, immediately people where egging me on.  Mike was by my side helping me get through the wall balls (2 of which came down and hit me in the face - just had to laugh), and I felt as though I had 20 cheerleaders helping me get through this workout.  By round 4, I had another CrossFitter by my side helping me get through each rep and correcting my form.  I was the last to finish the workout but that didn't bother me.  I finally felt 'part of the group'.

After this workout - not even close to ready to start another workout - the instructor had us do:
5 toes to bar
3 Handstand pushups
for 8mins - on the minute

Again - I was thankful to have Mike by my side helping me get into the hand stands and 'trying' to fix my technique in the toes to bar.  Makes everything easier when you have support.

The community is what keeps me coming back to work on my fitness.  I enjoy the group and thrive on the 'Let's go Stephanie" 's that are being yelled out during class.  Everyone has been in my position before and it's awesome to see that they are encouraging me to succeed.

What's Standing In the Way?

Infertility Schemility

2 months ago I was given the diagnosis of premature ovarian failure and was lead to believe that on this date, February 15th I would 'probably' have to start in vitro.

Pfft!  Not likely!

I woke this morning with an unsettling feeling due to weather that my 'big' appointment may be cancelled.  Thankfully - if Doctor's can make it to the office they're more than likely going to be open for patients.  Mike and I arrived 5 mins late (due to whiteout conditions) and waited in the waiting room for 40mins.  Well this is just great!  I thought Can't be good news.... (had the irrational anxiety).  

We were taken in to the room, waited another 15mins and I could hear the Doctor saying "Well Ok then" outside the room.   Psyching yourself up Doc?  I thought.   As she came into the room and reviewed my file, the look of disbelief and shock came over her face.  "Stephanie" , she said "Your levels went down to 9.3!  WOW! ".

Rewind 2 months.........

In December my levels were considered extreme at 14.2 for a woman my age.  Throughout the 2 months my hope was that it would go down OR stay the same as normal is between 6 and 8.

I was told that my level is probably worse than the reading given as I was on the BCP.

I was told that I would have to be very aggressive if I want to have a child.

Present day....

Mike and I looked at each other in disbelief.  The Doc then went on to let us know that I would be monitored through blood work for a couple of months but with this amazing decrease she can't see any reason why I won't be at normal range within this month.  Probably already am as my last blood test was Feb 4th.  She said to stick with whatever I'm doing as it must be working..... She isn't aware of what I've been doing.

I went to the naturopathic doctor, Gretchen MacLean, who gave me hope and 'a plan'.

I went to the acupuncturist, Daniel Schulman,  who made me laugh and reassured me that my system would kickstart.

I detoxed through the infrared sauna.

I refused sugary treats and breads.

I believed that I could make a difference and trusted that my body would respond.

I asked for support and reached out to people.  Prayers and positive energy can do wonderful things.

I got more rest and 'tried' to balance my time.

So now it's all up to fate and 'what's meant to be'.  Mike and I will still have obstacles ahead and that's ok.

Wittman

Wittman - My Archenemy....

Friday night Mike and I attended my 2nd WOD class (you know, with the 'big kids').  As we went to the 5:30pm class I had a chance to look to see what the workout was from the morning group... It just so happened to be a "HERO" workout (one of the tougher Crossfit workouts).  Trying to stay positive, I psyched myself up to be a HERO and complete it.

Wittman consisted of:
5 or 7 rounds of:
15 Kettlebell Swings
15 Power Cleans - started with 55lbs then down to 45lbs (for me)
15 Box Jumps - 20"

I barely did 5 rounds.

As I waited for my turn, I got more and more anxious as it appeared that this workout was challenging the fitter people in the group...I decided to jump in on the 2nd group so that if I 'hopefully' wouldn't be the last person finishing and away I went.

Round 1 - not so bad - got through everything pretty well.  By Round 3 the instructor gave me a lighter bar with lighter weights as it appeared that my form was going to the sh***er.  Round 4 I was doing 1 power clean at a time and the 5th round it took everything I had NOT to throw up everywhere.  (Not a good sign when Mike is laying on the floor after the workout TRYING not to pass out...).  By the end of the torture, I had the shaky arm feeling, the angry/irritable attitude (happens when I get tired) and just wanted to go home.  I could feel my back seizing up and knew I had to get some ice on it quickly.

Later that evening Mike and I went to Off Broadway for a special Valentine's Day (sugar free - no chocolatey dessert for me) meal.  As we sat chatting my back was seizing up at a considerable rate and I knew I would be up for some pain the next day.

I returned to CrossFit Saturday morning to 'give it another go' and was feeling - stiff/sore but thought if I kept moving I wouldn't turn into a rock statue.  We did another difficult workout - 60 walking lunges each leg, ring rows, back squat body weight and this was the end of my back.

Hardly able to move on Saturday night without having the wind knocked out of me and saying 'ahhh' or 'ooohh' with every movement - I had a complete back spasm.  Nothing would help - A535 was just used for the aroma, heat was a tease, stretching would just make it lock up more, laying down was not an option, sitting was not an option, sleep was DEFINITELY not an option. I was miserable.   I ended up "sleeping" on the couch propped up in a 45 degree angle and cursing myself for 'pushing it' too hard. 

When am I going to learn?

It's Monday today and thanks to my mom who spent an hour last night trying to work out the muscles in my back, I was able to sleep last night.  I'm better however still quite sore.  I'm humbled and I have learned a valuable lesson.  I need to start with much lighter weight so I can get my form down.   

EUREKA - I've got it! 

On another note:  Tomorrow's my big day where I'll find out how my body has responded to all of this hard work.  Thank you everyone for your encouragement.  I'm hoping it's going to be a great day tomorrow!

A Day For 1st's

Yesterday was my 1st regular WOD class at CrossFit.  Anxious, excited, nervous - I walked in hoping that I wasn't going to be challenged by a workout filled with my "Goats".  As I gave Mike the "Don't Leave Me.." talk before we went in, I was thinking why do I do this to myself, I mean, really WHO really needs to push themselves out of their comfort zone.  This is starting to get old.

I was pleasantly surprised when I walked in with the friendly and greeting fellow crossfitters.  I started to feel more and more comfortable and was even more pleased when I saw what the WOD was:

10 Rounds
3 Snatch width High Pulls
6 Ring Dips
9 Vertical Jumps

As Mike reassured me that this was a great 1st day workout, I was feeling excited to get going.  As I hit my 11th round - did 1 extra as I only used a 35lb bar for the high pulls (could have done heavier weight) I was thrilled with my respectable 5:52 time. 

I can't wait to go back now - what a positive experience.  (Aside from the 1st day jitters!)

I went home at 7:00am 2 inches taller and then awaited my pole dancing class.  I've been finding pole dancing very challenging lately as the techniques are getting quite difficult and my skin (feet, wrists, etc) is feeling the burn - you know, pole burn.  My feet hurt just thinking of it.

I started my class with pole climbs - just like a rope climb except on a pole.  I was never able to rope climb so the mere thought of climbing the pole is intimidating.  The past 2 weeks I haven't been able to get past 'step 1'.  Today, thankfully I got through step 1 AND 2 and am very close to achieving 'step 3' and getting to the top.  As Rick James' "Superfreak" song played I felt as though I was able to take on the world.  I tried multiple spins and inversions and since I was 'on a roll' I decided to do the 'oh so scary' helicopter inversion.  Oh yeah, achieved that too!  Check!

So needless to say, yesterday was a Day for 1st's.  One of those days where you're glad to be alive and feel as though you are living. 

Staying Positive Through Challenging Times

It's becoming hard.....really hard to find the inspiration to write anything these days.  As I've been suffering with a chest cold (have a constant sensation of needing to cough), sore hip (hurts to sit/stand/walk), lack of energy - I've been dragging myself around TRYING to stay 'up' and motivated.  These are the times where all of my hard work of  living with positivity and purpose is challenged.  This week, it feels as if everything's gone to the shi**er....

Lately, I've been waking up and wishing I could stay in bed.  My system feels taxed and I'm feeling as if everything is a chore.  Blow drying hair - who cares?, Makeup - like I need it..., Picking out clothes - why don't I just wear the same thing?,  Chores - what are chores?.  I'm surprised that Mike's as patient with me as he is.  I must admit, this is definitely one of the most challenging times I've had in a long time. 

What happened to feeling like a million bucks?  I only wish I knew....

As I walk around in a haze, I try to see the positive things that have happened in my life lately...  Let's see..... (this may take a while)...

-- I've received encouraging text messages (2 days ago) from 2 of my bestest friends.  These messages were like air to me.  They made me smile and feel refreshed.

--  Thankfully, work has been qu**t.  I've been able to get a lot of work done and reflect.

--  My chest cold/cough is not keeping me up at night.  I've been able to sleep like a baby for the past few nights.

--  I've graduated into Level 5 pole dancing.  I get to do routines EVERY class and see myself getting stronger.

--  I had the pleasure of having 1 on 1 training in CrossFit this morning.  I was the only person who showed up to Basics and at CrossFit 1 person is considered a class.  I got to work on my 'Goats' which was great!

-- My mom worked on my hip yesterday and relieved some of the pain.  It's great to have a Physio as a mom.

--  I've been making great progress in the wedding planning/organization.  I have a great group of people supporting me and I'm enjoying every minute of this engagement.

--  I'm not as sick as many people I know.  I really shouldn't complain.  I've got it good!

So, throughout the rest of this week I am choosing to 'push through'.  I will keep going to bed at 8:00pm if I need to.  I will keep resisting the urge to eat everything I shouldn't.  I will focus on what I have then what's holding me back. 

"The two most powerful warriors are patience and time."  Leo Tolstoy

"Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off For Blood Work I Go...."

As crazy as it sounds, I kind of like getting my blood taken..... It's become a part of my lifestyle now, just as my vitamins, herbs, acupuncture, saunas, no sugar, etc is.  It helps me feel like I'm doing something to help myself and take a step forward.

Tomorrow's my 'last' (that I know of now) blood work I have been ordered to take.  Tomorrow's the day I will hopefully give lower FSH level blood and will hopefully have 'kickstarted' my endocrine system enough to prolong pregnancy for a little while.  Wait, I need to meditate.....

I now have this 'infertile' thing down to a science.  I have not had a lick of 'fake' sugar, I don't get the coffee headaches anymore and I'm starting to feel human again.  Life is good! 

I must admit, I am person who 'wishes away' the time.  Common phrases that I would say are:  "I wish it was May (wedding)", "I wish I was in Las Vegas (cause I like it)", "I wish I could have a turtle chocolate (crave the sweets)" and the list goes on. 

So only to honor my true self:  "I wish it was February 15th and I knew what the HELL was going on with my body".... Wait, need to meditate for a minute again....

__________________________________________________
This week because of my night shifts, I'm only able to attend 1 Crossfit class.  Tonight, at 12:30am, I put myself through a Crossfit workout so I don't fall behind.  Man - It's different working out on your own.  I struggled to push myself through the gasping, I was trying to talk myself into doing 12 reps instead of 15, I even thought to myself,  "Forget about the overhead squat (with weight) and just do air squats".... Thankfully, the lazy side of me didn't take over, however it is going to be a long week of solo workouts.  I crave the group atmosphere......

A Chance to Give Back

Wow - thank you all for your support.  After posting 'Project Fertile' - I received some awesome messages.  Inspiring, positive, educational, the works!

Here are some Quotes/Sayings I found in my pile of sheets (ONE of my piles of sheets) that I thought I would share to 'give back' to everyone.  Not sure where I happened to receive this sheet, funny it just 'popped' up out of the blue.

TIDBITS TO LIVE BY

- Make a list of all the good things you do and all the good things that happen to you.  Then review the list.  Often

- You can't change the wave, but you can learn to surf!

- Get off your buts!

- Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forward.

- If you have tried to do something and failed, you are vastly better off than if you had tried nothing and succeeded.

- There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

- Lead a life instead of following one around.

- Give yourself lots of affirmations.  Affirmations usually begin with "I am...." "I am happy, wealthy, healthy, person".  "I am joyful no matter what is happening around me".  "I am loving and kind".

- A problem is a chance for you to do your best.

- I worried about many things all of my life, most of which never happend - Mark Twain

- Be part of the solution, not the problem.

- Everything has a time frame.  Learn to say "this too shall pass".

- WIll this really  matter this much 10 years from now?

Project Fertile

It's something that many people keep to themselves.
Fertility.

I've recently been made aware that I have a fertility issue. I used to refer to it as my 'hormone problem' as I used that answer to a lot of questions.

Someone:  "Stephanie, why aren't you drinking?"  Me "My hormone problem" Someone:  "Stephanie, what's wrong" Me:  "Nothing, just my hormone problem". 

It wasn't until a few weeks that I got some answers to my pesky mood swings.  Drumroll please.............

Premature Ovarian Failure.

Yes, that's right - I'm on the slippy slope to menopause.  EEEK! 
I hope by writing about this, someone out there will find comfort in knowing that I'm going through early menopause.  :) haha

With this diagnosis comes a gammit of problems - the fertility doc says I need to start having babies ASAP but will need assistance via in vitro.   This news brought a flood of emotions to the surface - anxiety, fear, sadness in the urgency the Doc presented.   Glad I took the day off work as my 'hormone problem' was in full swing after that appointment!

This is the reason I'm on an aggressive - kickstart my endrocrine system program - so that I can avoid (by hopefully lowering my FSH levels) in vitro.  I really am not ready to become pregnant before my wedding.  Pahleeaase!

This premature ovarian failure could have been caused by actions/reactions from my past:
- Looonnnngggg consecutive years on the BCP
- Smoking for years while on the BCP
- Stress for consecutive years
- Bad diet for consecutive years
- Years of being exposed to chemicals
- Mother Nature or Fate
I would say it's a combination of them all or the last - Fate

In the spirit of this blog - I'm excited for the seeittryit portion of this journey.  Yes, I've had a lot of 1st's in the past few weeks and tried some modern therapies.  This is exciting and overwhelming to me.  I'm so glad I found out about this BEFORE I was completely infertile and after I've shifted my lifestyle (past 3 years) to a healthier - self-respecting outlook and I'm glad that I have an amazing partner who is 100% supportive and comforting to me....Wait till I count my blessings......

So, what's next? 
More blood work
More Infrared Sauna appointments
More acupuncture
More exercise
More no sugar, reduced caffiene diet
More meditating
More rest
More balance
More Positive....

Easy eh?

Feeling Like a Million Bucks

This is day 9 of my newest health journey - no sugar, no caffeine, a fist full of vitamins every morning, nasty tasting herb liquid I have to take 2x daily, temperature reading in the morning, having blood taken, acupuncture, sauna and the list goes on....

This change in lifestyle/schedule has not come without side effects.... Overwhelmed, Tired (lack of caffeine:( ), being constantly 'on the go' (old life meeting new life = not going to work), it's becoming difficult.  Can't count the amount of times this week (so far, it's Wednesday) I said "You'll have to get someone else to do it, I'm maxed out".  This change is definitely a blessing!

After my first acupuncture appointment I felt "like a million bucks".  Energetic, calm, happy - It was awesome.  I went into my second appointment today and told the Doc how great I felt.

Me "Man, after my 1st appointment I felt like a million bucks"
Doc "haha, well maybe I should start charging a million"
Me "Good one...Good one"  (He's a funny guy:) )
Doc "So what does a Million Bucks feel like"
Me "Like myself but even better - with drawl from coffee gone, energetic, happy, you know - awesome!"

Regardless if this helps my endocrine system regulate, I almost want to keep going on a regular basis.  Today, lying on the bed with needles sticking out of my extremeties, I practiced my meditation and then fell asleep.  1 hour of uninterrupted, peace - ahhhh, it was good.

I have become addicted to checking my blackberry - well - every minute as I have so many messages/emails coming in that I'm overwhelmed if I don't.  The downfall is that I haven't been 'present' at home (at all) in my days off.  It's a shame really.... Thank Gosh Mike is patient.  So throughout the hour of acupuncture I couldn't check the blackberry and it felt great.  At the end of the hour I had 2 missed calls, 1 voicemail and 10 unread messages.  Oh well, it was a great hour!

So maybe I should reassess the "million buck feeling" and take some more time to myself and put away the blackberry for a hour here and there.  Hmmmmm......