I've had 2 other significant relationships and maybe a bakers dozen of insignificant relationships. The 2 'significant ones' which I consider gifts both had their learning curves - as I'm sure all relationships do. I wouldn't consider myself a pro at relationships moreso a pain in the butt (I see it now, then - not so much). I was needy, codependent and of course, perfect. :)
What always got my goat was the 'search for the next one'. While I was single for approx 2 years (between sig rel 2 and Mike) I was always searching for the next "one". I did my research - I would scope out the scene looking for the men without rings (which I've come to learn that a lot of married men do not wear rings - not a sure sign ladies), I would try to market myself (not to single men but to people who were already attached or my friends as that was my comfort zone), I would go for the occasional cruise (not sure what I'd find but thought that maybe a single man would jump out in front of my car), I would wait home for the 'one' to ring my doorbell, I would frequent the same spots as I was determined to find someone at the places I liked. As you probably can tell, this did not work for me. At the time, I was hopeful and told myself one day it would come. From time to time, during my lonely moments/periods, I would research dating. I purchased books like "Don't be That Girl" and "Codependent No More" to help find the answers on how to attract a mate. (I can't say that I found the answers but I did become self aware and let's face it, it killed time). I would google "how to find a man" for insight. The hunting period was exhausting and an emotional rollercoaster for me.... Excited because of a prospect, disappointed as it may not develop into anything. Energetic to go out in a new outfit, buyers remorse at the end of the night as it was slim pickin's.
Oh the memories.....
After my research period, I tried dating a couple of guys and found that it was physically and mentally demanding. Some people love it, and to them - I applaud. It was tiring for me, it was like a sport and I was in the pre-competitive portion of the season, all the time. Rejection or a 'low score' would be crushing. I tried 'plenty of fish' for 3 days until someone asked for my picture and when I sent it, I never heard back from him. That was my 1st experience with someone out and out rejecting me because of my looks.
I deleted my account the next day.
I tried meeting men in bars, which never worked. I was too nice and would give my number (yes, my real number) to anyone. Then I wouldn't answer my phone for days - just in case the bar man would call. When I did get up the nerve to give a fake number (lesson learned) to someone - I had a uncomfortable confrontation at University where the guy 'called me out' in front of a full computer lab about giving a fake number. I even, in a drunken stuper put my name in his phone as Steppphdidn - as he was calling me out he was calling me "Stepphididn". How embarrassing.
While I was out at a party one night, I met a foreigner and instantly my prospect radar went off. I chatted with him all night, trying to be funny yet sweet. I met up with him a couple of weekends - in a row - and let my heart start to wonder. Thinking that he may be interested I tried to give him my number - this is when he told me he had a girlfriend.
In between embarrassing moments I practiced convincing myself that some guys I already knew would be good to date. Conscious - check, Breathing - check, Chemistry - ......ch...ec...k..... Who needs Chemistry anyways eh?
I then started to enjoy the dating game. I was a player and the world of men was my oyster. I developed confidence in myself and was able to laugh at the uncomfortable situations. I was learning from my mistakes and would sometimes just not give my number at all (imagine!). I grew an inch taller and things started coming together for me. I opened my mind to any possibility and the walls came down. I started to take control of my single life and that's when it happened.
Mike and I worked together a year before starting to date. I was going through the dating ups and downs and he was starting to talk to me more at work. I would kid around with him and I would catch myself giggling or smiling when he entered the room. When he finally asked me out - I was feeling great about myself and was ready for a relationship. (The previous 2 years I hadn't been - thought I was but my actions were different). Dating him wasn't a game or sport - it was exciting, comfortable and 'felt right'. This is how I knew on Date 2 that we would get married. Of course, I didn't say that to him (come on strong much?) but I did tell everyone else.... hehe....
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