Staying Positive Through Challenging Times

It's becoming hard.....really hard to find the inspiration to write anything these days.  As I've been suffering with a chest cold (have a constant sensation of needing to cough), sore hip (hurts to sit/stand/walk), lack of energy - I've been dragging myself around TRYING to stay 'up' and motivated.  These are the times where all of my hard work of  living with positivity and purpose is challenged.  This week, it feels as if everything's gone to the shi**er....

Lately, I've been waking up and wishing I could stay in bed.  My system feels taxed and I'm feeling as if everything is a chore.  Blow drying hair - who cares?, Makeup - like I need it..., Picking out clothes - why don't I just wear the same thing?,  Chores - what are chores?.  I'm surprised that Mike's as patient with me as he is.  I must admit, this is definitely one of the most challenging times I've had in a long time. 

What happened to feeling like a million bucks?  I only wish I knew....

As I walk around in a haze, I try to see the positive things that have happened in my life lately...  Let's see..... (this may take a while)...

-- I've received encouraging text messages (2 days ago) from 2 of my bestest friends.  These messages were like air to me.  They made me smile and feel refreshed.

--  Thankfully, work has been qu**t.  I've been able to get a lot of work done and reflect.

--  My chest cold/cough is not keeping me up at night.  I've been able to sleep like a baby for the past few nights.

--  I've graduated into Level 5 pole dancing.  I get to do routines EVERY class and see myself getting stronger.

--  I had the pleasure of having 1 on 1 training in CrossFit this morning.  I was the only person who showed up to Basics and at CrossFit 1 person is considered a class.  I got to work on my 'Goats' which was great!

-- My mom worked on my hip yesterday and relieved some of the pain.  It's great to have a Physio as a mom.

--  I've been making great progress in the wedding planning/organization.  I have a great group of people supporting me and I'm enjoying every minute of this engagement.

--  I'm not as sick as many people I know.  I really shouldn't complain.  I've got it good!

So, throughout the rest of this week I am choosing to 'push through'.  I will keep going to bed at 8:00pm if I need to.  I will keep resisting the urge to eat everything I shouldn't.  I will focus on what I have then what's holding me back. 

"The two most powerful warriors are patience and time."  Leo Tolstoy

"Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off For Blood Work I Go...."

As crazy as it sounds, I kind of like getting my blood taken..... It's become a part of my lifestyle now, just as my vitamins, herbs, acupuncture, saunas, no sugar, etc is.  It helps me feel like I'm doing something to help myself and take a step forward.

Tomorrow's my 'last' (that I know of now) blood work I have been ordered to take.  Tomorrow's the day I will hopefully give lower FSH level blood and will hopefully have 'kickstarted' my endocrine system enough to prolong pregnancy for a little while.  Wait, I need to meditate.....

I now have this 'infertile' thing down to a science.  I have not had a lick of 'fake' sugar, I don't get the coffee headaches anymore and I'm starting to feel human again.  Life is good! 

I must admit, I am person who 'wishes away' the time.  Common phrases that I would say are:  "I wish it was May (wedding)", "I wish I was in Las Vegas (cause I like it)", "I wish I could have a turtle chocolate (crave the sweets)" and the list goes on. 

So only to honor my true self:  "I wish it was February 15th and I knew what the HELL was going on with my body".... Wait, need to meditate for a minute again....

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This week because of my night shifts, I'm only able to attend 1 Crossfit class.  Tonight, at 12:30am, I put myself through a Crossfit workout so I don't fall behind.  Man - It's different working out on your own.  I struggled to push myself through the gasping, I was trying to talk myself into doing 12 reps instead of 15, I even thought to myself,  "Forget about the overhead squat (with weight) and just do air squats".... Thankfully, the lazy side of me didn't take over, however it is going to be a long week of solo workouts.  I crave the group atmosphere......

A Chance to Give Back

Wow - thank you all for your support.  After posting 'Project Fertile' - I received some awesome messages.  Inspiring, positive, educational, the works!

Here are some Quotes/Sayings I found in my pile of sheets (ONE of my piles of sheets) that I thought I would share to 'give back' to everyone.  Not sure where I happened to receive this sheet, funny it just 'popped' up out of the blue.

TIDBITS TO LIVE BY

- Make a list of all the good things you do and all the good things that happen to you.  Then review the list.  Often

- You can't change the wave, but you can learn to surf!

- Get off your buts!

- Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forward.

- If you have tried to do something and failed, you are vastly better off than if you had tried nothing and succeeded.

- There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

- Lead a life instead of following one around.

- Give yourself lots of affirmations.  Affirmations usually begin with "I am...." "I am happy, wealthy, healthy, person".  "I am joyful no matter what is happening around me".  "I am loving and kind".

- A problem is a chance for you to do your best.

- I worried about many things all of my life, most of which never happend - Mark Twain

- Be part of the solution, not the problem.

- Everything has a time frame.  Learn to say "this too shall pass".

- WIll this really  matter this much 10 years from now?

Project Fertile

It's something that many people keep to themselves.
Fertility.

I've recently been made aware that I have a fertility issue. I used to refer to it as my 'hormone problem' as I used that answer to a lot of questions.

Someone:  "Stephanie, why aren't you drinking?"  Me "My hormone problem" Someone:  "Stephanie, what's wrong" Me:  "Nothing, just my hormone problem". 

It wasn't until a few weeks that I got some answers to my pesky mood swings.  Drumroll please.............

Premature Ovarian Failure.

Yes, that's right - I'm on the slippy slope to menopause.  EEEK! 
I hope by writing about this, someone out there will find comfort in knowing that I'm going through early menopause.  :) haha

With this diagnosis comes a gammit of problems - the fertility doc says I need to start having babies ASAP but will need assistance via in vitro.   This news brought a flood of emotions to the surface - anxiety, fear, sadness in the urgency the Doc presented.   Glad I took the day off work as my 'hormone problem' was in full swing after that appointment!

This is the reason I'm on an aggressive - kickstart my endrocrine system program - so that I can avoid (by hopefully lowering my FSH levels) in vitro.  I really am not ready to become pregnant before my wedding.  Pahleeaase!

This premature ovarian failure could have been caused by actions/reactions from my past:
- Looonnnngggg consecutive years on the BCP
- Smoking for years while on the BCP
- Stress for consecutive years
- Bad diet for consecutive years
- Years of being exposed to chemicals
- Mother Nature or Fate
I would say it's a combination of them all or the last - Fate

In the spirit of this blog - I'm excited for the seeittryit portion of this journey.  Yes, I've had a lot of 1st's in the past few weeks and tried some modern therapies.  This is exciting and overwhelming to me.  I'm so glad I found out about this BEFORE I was completely infertile and after I've shifted my lifestyle (past 3 years) to a healthier - self-respecting outlook and I'm glad that I have an amazing partner who is 100% supportive and comforting to me....Wait till I count my blessings......

So, what's next? 
More blood work
More Infrared Sauna appointments
More acupuncture
More exercise
More no sugar, reduced caffiene diet
More meditating
More rest
More balance
More Positive....

Easy eh?

Feeling Like a Million Bucks

This is day 9 of my newest health journey - no sugar, no caffeine, a fist full of vitamins every morning, nasty tasting herb liquid I have to take 2x daily, temperature reading in the morning, having blood taken, acupuncture, sauna and the list goes on....

This change in lifestyle/schedule has not come without side effects.... Overwhelmed, Tired (lack of caffeine:( ), being constantly 'on the go' (old life meeting new life = not going to work), it's becoming difficult.  Can't count the amount of times this week (so far, it's Wednesday) I said "You'll have to get someone else to do it, I'm maxed out".  This change is definitely a blessing!

After my first acupuncture appointment I felt "like a million bucks".  Energetic, calm, happy - It was awesome.  I went into my second appointment today and told the Doc how great I felt.

Me "Man, after my 1st appointment I felt like a million bucks"
Doc "haha, well maybe I should start charging a million"
Me "Good one...Good one"  (He's a funny guy:) )
Doc "So what does a Million Bucks feel like"
Me "Like myself but even better - with drawl from coffee gone, energetic, happy, you know - awesome!"

Regardless if this helps my endocrine system regulate, I almost want to keep going on a regular basis.  Today, lying on the bed with needles sticking out of my extremeties, I practiced my meditation and then fell asleep.  1 hour of uninterrupted, peace - ahhhh, it was good.

I have become addicted to checking my blackberry - well - every minute as I have so many messages/emails coming in that I'm overwhelmed if I don't.  The downfall is that I haven't been 'present' at home (at all) in my days off.  It's a shame really.... Thank Gosh Mike is patient.  So throughout the hour of acupuncture I couldn't check the blackberry and it felt great.  At the end of the hour I had 2 missed calls, 1 voicemail and 10 unread messages.  Oh well, it was a great hour!

So maybe I should reassess the "million buck feeling" and take some more time to myself and put away the blackberry for a hour here and there.  Hmmmmm......

2011 - New Year, New Challenges, New Opportunities

I'm sooo excited it's 2011.  I love starting a new year and I always think This is going to be MY year... 

2010 was a year that I accomplished a lot.  First thing that comes to mind was my 1/2 marathon.  Still can't believe I finished that.  Second thing is how I lived out of my comfort zone (for the most part) -  Tried new things, challenged myself and reflected on my tries and triumphs. 

 So what's next for 2011?

This year I am devoting to health.  I want to live and be healthy.  I want to feel energized, fit, balanced and focused. 

I recently started this "health" journey, after going to a naturopathic doctor (to assist me with a diagnosed case of almost infertility.....another story for next time), by eliminating sucrose from my diet and reducing caffiene.  And I thought quitting smoking was hard....Sugar and caffiene withdrawl (double whammy) is like nothing I've experienced before.  For 3 days I was in a haze.  Headachy, blurred vision, blah and feeling unmotivated, I just survived.  Day 4, well - a new story all together.  Feel like a million bucks.  I am back to loving life and feeling 'human' again.

Throughout this withdrawl phase, I attended my first Acupunture appointment.  I am commited to this to help get my body back to a balanced and natural state.  This was a positive experience and I left feeling quite relaxed.  I slept like a baby that night - well, once I got off work at 4am... I plan to continue these treatments for a few months. 

The next part of my 'health' journey this week was attending an infrared sauna to detox.  As I didn't know  what to expect - I left feeling refreshed, thirsty (but did drink a waterbottle full) and relaxed.  I'm pretty sure I dropped 5lbs of water weight while I was in for 50mins. :)  The poor little sauna room reeked of chlorine - another way Synchro has given back to the Community.

I intend to focus on sleep as well.  Doing shift work is tough enough but running on 3hours sleep and then trying to work again that night is insane.  I recently heard the quote:

"Insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"

Point Made.

I am trying to meditate (when I think of it) as well.  I've never really understood HOW to meditate.  Maybe if I keep trying it will just come to me.  I recently saw on Doctor OZ (trend developing here..:) ) Deepak Chopra talking about meditation.  He suggested you ask yourself  "Who am I?"  "What do I want?", etc.  without trying to answer the questions.  Interesting.  I will try Deepak.

And of course I will continue my weekly workouts.  I was super pumped at my last Crossfit class as I improved by 30secs in a workout after a month of 'training'.  Thank God I had a measurable improvement!  I needed that!